milkeemountainmama:

i’m just not going to read tumblr any more, forever. or something.

because this whole “ri made a new song w/chris brown she’s getting back together with him, fuck her next time he beats her” crap is really fucking pissing me off.

and in many ways, the discourse supporting ri is just as irritating—“how do you know she’s back together with him do you have pictures???” thing?? yeah. UGH.

this whole narrative that people have tried to imposed on ri since the public found out she was in an abusive situation is infuriating. whatever her choices are—she is living one very basic truth of all fucking survivors. it’s our right as human beings to define our own experience in our own ways. and it’s our right as human beings to make our own choices and trust our own instincts. and it’s our right as human beings to do all that without the fear of getting our ass kicked by our partner/families and it’s our right to do that while being accountable to *OURSELVES* first. Or: it’s our right to not take the needs of every damn body else in the world into consideration. as human beings—we have the right to *autonomy*.

this is the very basic fucking truth of all human beings. and so the point is not “FUCK HER NEXT TIME HE BEATS HER” and it’s not even “THERE’S NO PROOF SHE’S BACK WITH HIM”—

the point is—how do ***WE AS A COMMUNITY/CULTURE/SOCIETY*** MAKE SURE RI IS ALLOWED TO CLAIM HER FULL HUMAN AUTONOMY IN THE WAY SHE SEES FIT????

In other words: IT’S NOT HER JOB TO MAKE SURE HE DOESN’T BEAT HER.
It’s ***OUR*** (society, community, culture, etc) job to make sure violence is no longer an acceptable part of our culture in any way shape or form and to find ways to 1. stop violence from happening and 2. make sure there are accountability measures in place when it does.

where are all the discusions on what we and our communities are going to do to end violence in all it’s forms?

what ri does is not the point. what chris does, even, is not the point.

the point is—what are WE going to do?

Bolded points for emphasis.

Also, in my work at a matrimonial/family law firm, I’ve seen many DV cases in which the survivor ends up settling the claim and getting back together with the abuser. They sent us photographic evidence of the abuse.  It was real and graphic.

While I am not a survivor of abuse (keep that in mind and take my opinions as you will), but I’m speculating that since these legal battles can get REALLY messy, sometimes survivors just want it to “all go away” and it just appears easier to recant/settle than deal with the shitstorm.  Many of my friends (mostly cis men) have been really quick to judge Rihanna for working with Chris Brown again (to reiterate the point above, there’s also no proof that they’re back together so everyone should just knock it off).

Regardless of what is going on (or not going on) between them is none of our business, and more accountability should also be put on the community to educate people on and eradicate violence to the best of our abilities.

(Source: marshmallowmegamama, via genderbitch)